True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
