i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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