she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
