I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
