Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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