the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How does it feel to date your dad?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
