It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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