Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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