please come you make the beer taste better
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
