True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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