I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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