she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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