I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
