Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
