in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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