Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
