We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
