I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
vagina is talking i cant
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
