I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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