ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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