my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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