Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
