her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
