i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize