Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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