fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
