I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
