I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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