Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
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having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
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Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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