i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
