the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
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On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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