I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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