She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you traded sex for a burrito?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
