I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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