I wish I could punch you in the face.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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