I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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