hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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