come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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