Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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