you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
