I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
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I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Everyone says I win the strip club
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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