Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
40s are totally the cure
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
