Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
