i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
