I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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