I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
