so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
