Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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