Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
