i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
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Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
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It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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