He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
