My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
