Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
