At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
