woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
