So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Randomize
