do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
