The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
