xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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