Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
