So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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