my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
