the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
