dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
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I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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