i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
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it's like heaven, but drunker
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
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If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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